I may regret this post in the morning so read up while you can. Fair warning I might alter or delete anything written below at any time. But right now, there’s very important topic every new DIY builder needs to know. It’s not talked about…there are no warning signs…thats because it’s the silent killer. And I’m not talking about a health condition. Ok I’ll say it clearly. There is an epidemic in every home improvement store in America where silent farts surprise the next person who happens to walk in that aisle.
The more I spend time there the more perplexed I get.
I’ve come up with several viable options:
- The gas mask
- Stop, drop, and roll
- Limit time in store to only how long you can hold your breathe for every trip
Although #1 may sound like a good idea, I’m not a fan of carrying things with me around town. And honestly, the mask draws a lot of attention that I’m not really sure I’d be ready for.
#2 is possible. Afterall, this the girl who fainted when my mom was going to cut my bangs. Sure I could faint…but what will that really do? I’d still be stuck in the clouded area so that brings me to #3.
Stop, drop, and roll yep! Not just for fires. I think this could come in handy since I think fart clouds rise and if I roll quickly out-of-the-way I can make it out fast! Don’t think, don’t breathe, just drop and roll. I kinda like it but it would be difficult if I have a cart with me.
#4 might require some underwater swimming lessons to increase how long I can hold my breath. Or I could just hold my breathe every time I walk by a person who slowly walks away (looking suspicious)…or walks away really fast (looking suspicious).
Hope this habit of walking into fart clouds doesn’t turn my hair green.